Voices of the Muse

"Desiderata"

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:21:08 GMT

(Cross-posted to aerden.)

"Desiderata"

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

--- Max Ehrmann, 1927

First Aid in Deflector Control - Post

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 14:21:19 GMT

This is a post I'm working on for the USS Courageous. The formatting symbols are a requirement of that ship's posting style.

[McCorley]

::As Joseph replied, the EMH stopped attempting to speak. It simply turned to face its two patients and folded its arms across its chest while it monitored them.

Once Lt. Joseph left, Nika entered a brief commnd into the computer and then said to the EMH's back,:: "There. Can you speak, now?"

[EMH]

::The EMH turned on its heel and glared at her. "Thank you." ::It paused and then added,:: "That officer is not particularly welcome in my Sickbay, and, at the moment, I am not impressed with you, either." ::it informed her in a wintry tone.::

[McCorley]

::Nika gave it a look and decided not to respond to most of its comments.:: "This is Dr. Dhuro's sickbay."

[EMH]

::The EMH snorted.:: "It's mine when he is not present." ::It fixed her with a glare.:: "Do not [i]ever[/i] permit my voice to be disabled, again. Is that clear?"

[McCorley]

::Nika blinked at it.:: "We were just being silly. I'm sure it'll never happen again."

[EMH]

::The EMH slapped a hand down hard against the top of a console, and Nika flinched. When it spoke again, its tone was harsh.:: "My voice is a [i]tool.[/i] I need it to function--or do you understand sign language?" ::It signed the question in swift, clearly furious, gestures.::

[McCorley]

::Despite herself, Nika straightened and glared back at the EMH. It was like being berated by any of the more arrogant doctors she had worked for during her nursing rotations, and the fact that this was an AI program made its tirade especialy irksome. She looked the EMH right in the eye.:: "No. I'm afraid I don't."

[EMH]

::The EMH nodded, and its tone grew only marginally calmer.:: "I thought not; your records don't list it as part of your skill set. I will [i]not[/i] tolerate being tampered with or used for others' amusement. I am not a plaything."

[McCorley]

::She gave the EMH a long look and finally nodded. "Fair enough. Now...Suppose you explain something to me. Are you supposed to be this emotional?"

[EMH]

The EMH gave her an incredulous look.:: "Good God, do you understand nothing? You have no idea why I reacted as I just did?" ::As Nika shook her head, it went on.::

"Yes, I am programmed to display emotions and to respond, as closely as possible, as the dominant race crewing my ship would. Tell me, if I showed no emotion at all to having my voice disabled, what would you do in the long run?"

[McCorley]

"Exactly what I did, without benefit of your temper tantrum--I'd still have re-enabled it. As you said yourself, it's a tool. We couldn't communicate with each other, otherwise."

[EMH]

"True." ::Now it sounded more conversational.:: "But you wouldn't have felt any particular inhibition against turning my voice off in the future, any time I annoyed you, correct? It would mean no more to you than turning off the sound on your tricorder--which is exactly what it meant to Lt. Joseph."

[McCorley]

"I don't know about that; you're considerably more complex than a tricorder--"

[EMH]

::It cut her off.:: "The point is, if I showed no emotional reaction to mistreatment, you would accord me no more respect than you do to your tricorder. When I am on, I am essentially the CMO of this ship. I require the crew's respect to function adequately in that role. Display of emotions is a means of protecting the integrity of my programming and of protecting you.

"When I slapped my hand against the console and expressed my displeasure with your and Lt. Joseph's behavior, you accepted me as something worthy of your attention, and you listened to what I had to say. Even now, you are paying attention and thinking. You would not be doing so, had I simply told you, 'That wasn't very nice.'"

[McCorley]

::Nika thought about it.:; "That's quite possible," ::she said at last.:: "You startled me, there. I wasn't expecting you to show much anger, at all."

[EMH]

::The EMH nodded.:: "If I could not fight to protect myself, how could I fight to keep any of you alive or inspire any of you to fight to keep someone else alive?" ::It gave her a wry look.:: "To paraphrase one of the component physicians in my programming--I am a doctor, not a screwdriver."

Working on Paul's World

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 17:42:38 GMT

How to (Legally and Ethically) Steal Ideas by Holly Lisle

Below is a long, rambling post, half me talking to myself and half me talking to the world at large.

Okay, let's just get everything out in the open.

1. I still want to write a story about Paul.
2. Paul goes back a lot farther in my mental history than just SPH and the Wizarding World.
3. Aerden is getting jealous of all this attention I'm paying to Paul. Something might come of that, but he hasn't hit me with it yet.

I was reading the above article by Holly Lisle on the advice of Andi, a friend of mine. I had been moaning and groaning to her about the difficulty of creating a new setting to write about Paul in, and she pointed me to Holly's article and said I was doing it the hard way.

So I read the article.

And it made me remember that the roots of Paul go way, way back to this interactive fiction story I used to write in, called "Heaven's Republic." And the setting of that reminded me of how much I really enjoyed some aspects of The Handmaid's Tale. I used to insert my characters into the Handmaid's Tale universe and make up mental stories about their adventures.

I'm trying to distill out what exactly it was about HR and HT that appealed to me so. Both stories involved oppression by a theocratic state that imposed restrictions upon the ways people dressed and behaved.

HR inserted a cool element to it, however--telepathy and related paranormal gifts. These were considered to be the work of the Devil and a mark of witchcraft--unless, of course, you happened to be part of the religious/federal hierarchy, in which case you used your paranormal abilities to control the populace and weed out 'witches.'

I also participated in another RPG, "The Crescent," which had a similar theme, though it took place on a fantasy world, and I used a clone of Aerden for that game.

So, back to theocratic governments. I hate witch hunts, paranoia, conspiracies, and stories about all three of those things, so I don't want my story to include those.

What, then, is going to provide the conflict? What will the antagonist be like?

The big baddies in HR and SPH were Elder Thomas and Voldemort/the DeathEaters. I always wanted to do more with Elder Thomas in HR, but I was frustrated by the fact that he was not my character, so I couldn't dictate his actions or get into his mind much. He was another player's character, and he had his own agenda. So I never did much with him in that story.

I'd like my villain to have elements of him in it to balance the things which annoy me about Voldemort.

See, Voldemort annoys the hell out of me because he's a sociopath. He's so completely evil that you just have to kill him like a rabid dog, because that's what he is. Voldemort has no soul, nothing he loves. He doesn't even believe anyone is truly human, except himself; he regards his DeathEaters as tools.

My favorite villain of all time is Dyan Ardais from the Darkover novels--because he was capable of self-restraint. At the end of Heritage of Hastur, I was rooting for Dyan Ardais because he did something in that book that I had never seen a villain do before--take responsibility for his own actions. Even though he gave himself over to evil later, in at least that one book, he was brilliant.

I don't think I'll be satisfied with a villain who is anything less than that. On the other hand, what makes it so imperative for Voldemort to die or be destroyed in the Potter novels is his being a sociopath. If he could be reasoned with, people wouldn't have to go to such extreme lengths or make such great sacrifices to stop him.

Extreme lengths and great sacrifices are what go with risk, and risk is what makes great novels.

On the other hand, the reason Dyan can accept respnsibility for his actions in Heritage is that his conflict with Danilo Syrtis is not the central conflict in the book; it's a subplot. The real enemy is what the Aldarans are doing. The Sharra matrix cannot be comprosised with, any more than Voldemort can.

Hm. If I could create a villain who had a sense of honor but was uncompromising, I might be able to work with that.

so, going on...

For my novel Vendetta,, I created a planet called Ekati, whose government is theocratic but openly run by telepaths. I created this for a futuristic role-playing game.

My idea was that I wanted people who were old-fashioned, compared to the normal society of the setting, but who were a force to be reckoned with because they still had powers.

Basically, I wanted to write characters who weren't enamored of cybernetic physical implants, because the other characters in the RP were. I was not writing in the RP to express my kinks; I wanted to use the RP as a vehicle for figuring out how Ekati worked.

Figuring out how Ekati works has taken time long past the demise of that RP. :)

So there's something going on in my head that likes the combination of Paul Graves with some kind of oppressive situation that he feels trapped by and has to fight against. For me to really like it, the oppressive situation, whether it be theocracy or purebloodedness in the Wizarding World, has to force a low tech level--or at least a seemingly low tech level.

I also like to have the Cool Thing--either magic or telepathy. In SPH, I cheated and finagled a way to have both.

God, I was so bad in SPH. It's a wonder they didn't throw me out of that game for writing like a prima donna. I should have known better.

Hm. Even though I know the theocracy is not the main interest factor for me; oppression is--I do still like religion, and I want to show how beautiful religion can be in my story. That's why I made the original Ekatian Light-Born a truly admirable person--worthy of the admiration that Ekatian memory accords her.

I don't want the villain be the Ekatian government, though. For one thing, that's been done to death. Even though what I would be bashing is the abuse of religion, I think there are too many people in the world who might gleefully think I was denigrating all religion.

On the other hand, I can't be held responsible for what other people think, so I might as well write what I want--

Now that I've begun to figure out what it is.

Myradin: A Letter from Home

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 19:07:04 GMT

Highgate, L'Montaigne
Mid-Daktremer

The letter was waiting for Myradin one afternoon when he returned from an inspection of Highgate's city walls. The city's masons had been hard at work in the bitter cold of a L'Montaignan winter, repairing damage from a four day-long blizzard that had left key parts of the walls with cracked and loosened stonework. The walls now looked quite stout, and Myradin would have dared siege engines to take the town. At the moment, though, winter was a strong enough deterrent.

The letter awaited him on his desk after he had warmed his hands at the fire. Myradin picked it up, curious. It had clearly been on the road for quite a while and passed through several hands. The vellum was frayed and smudged, and he could barely make out his own name written on the outside of it. The handwriting looked familiar, but the seal did not. Myradin carefully broke the seal and read.

Castelle, Dakarta
2nd Astumy

Dear Myradin,

I hope this finds you well and that it reaches you soon. I am at my wits' end, and I need your help.

Abruptly, Myradin recognized the smudged writing. It was from his sister, Irel.

This is about Settim. There is something wrong with him, Myradin, and I don't know how to put it into words. If I said I thought he was evil, would you call me fanciful? He is only just turned six, but--he frightens me. Father and Lord Alarique are the only people he listens to, anymore. I have tried being calm and firm; I have tried being vile. I haven't bothered to beg or plead with him because that would only show me to be weak and would make no useful impression on him.

Tarran used to be able to manage Settim, and he could do it with a mere look. Somehow, with simply a look, Tarran could put the fear of Morgause into this child. But Tarran isn't here, anymore. I can't discipline him, and Father won't--but then,
Settim acts like a Trinist angel when he's around Father, so my frustrations are not listened to.

He picks fights with my children, and he hurts them, Myradin. I won't have him in my home, anymore, and I dread going over to Father's to care for him.

Please come. You're a healer; perhaps you know of something that can be done to curb his cruelty? Perhaps a drug of some kind? He's inhuman; I've never seen the like, and I don't know what to do.

Please help me.

Irel

Myradin set the letter down, stunned--and horrified. She had written it the previous Astumy, and here it was, nearing the middle of Daktremer. Myradin frowned to himself. Irel always said Settim was a handful, but this is the first I've heard of outright cruelty. Why would Settim be cruel when he has a father who dotes on him? Because he can? What other reason could there be? It isn't as if the boy is being abused.

His attention turned to the date on the letter, and he grimaced. I haven't a hope of getting through the passes. I don't think the Lifestone can keep a man from freezing to death, either.

No, I cannot, the Stone murmured into his thoughts.

It would be insane to travel right now. Myradin glanced out the window of his office at the snowy mountains plainly visible across the valley and the heavy, gray clouds overhead. Oh, bloody hell, I'm actually considering this. What exactly do I think I can do? I've never been a father; a duke, steward of a kingdom, yes, but those are far different from dealing with a child. But neither can I ignore this.

He would have to travel light, Myradin thought, with as little entourage as he could get away with. An entourage would never survive, and he detested all the fanfare, anyway.

Yes, travel light, with no more than three others. He sighed. I wish Ilena were here. But Ilena was off with her people, the In'ree, and he didn't expect to see her again for several months.

He let out a breath and began to pen a letter to Thane Harmisch. Usually, Myradin resided in Highgate during the winters, so Harmisch could spend those months in the Thaneland with the dwarves. He hoped the man would be willing to come.

On Plot

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 23:38:35 GMT

A plot is about a lead character who has an objective, a goal crucial to his well-being. --James Bell, from Plot and Structure

Stories to Work On

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 01:35:41 GMT

Fantasy

The Boy from the Sea - Garedin
The Curse of Avriet - Micaul
Dakmir - Alledon
Ealdru - Aerden
The Devil's Due - Zachariah Gregory
The Hangman's Noose - The Gregory family
Lenoir - Paul Lenoir
The Lighthouse Keeper - Simon MacAran
The Twice-Failed Quest - Tereus, Rinavek, Senara

Science Fiction

Vendetta - Ephram Young
Born of Light - Ephram Young

Working on "The Devil's Due"

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 17:05:59 GMT

Today, I'm working on a short story I wrote for a fantasy role-playing game I used to be in, called Imperial Secrets. It's called "The Devil's Due," and it's set in a pub that is a gateway to Hell. It stars Zachariah Gregory and Nell Tomlinson. I have an idea for expanding it into a book, but I need to tweak a few things before I can do that. For right now, I'm just working on the short story.

Story - Vendetta Universe - Naxin

Sun, 07 May 2006 12:57:23 GMT

Geeze. I came up with a story idea last night. I can see the book cover in my head. I know what this character looks like. It's eerie.

There are vague elements of Babylon 5 and Ender's Game in it. It's set against a war between humans and some aliens who are very alien, called the Naxin. The primary fighters in this war (at least on the human side) are telepaths. The person who can end the war is a man named Matthew Brandon, who works as a recruiter and Selections Director at the company that produces the psionic enhancers which make it possible for the human telepaths to fight the Naxin.

I had created Matthew for another story entirely, but I'm very pleased that I can use him for this. Amazingly, I discovered that if I aged him from 22 to 38, he became a lot more interesting. At age 22, he was just a punk. At age 38, he had experienced some of the war and was a far more responsible person. The difference is just astounding to me.

CDQ Template

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 02:03:18 GMT

What is your name?
Are you male or female?
How old are you?
What do you look like?
Tell me about your father:
Tell me about your mother:
Tell me about your siblings:
Tell me about your children:
Tell me about any pets you have:
Where do you live?
What is your social class/rank?
How well-educated are you?
What do you do for a living?
Do you enjoy your work?
How is your country governed and led?
Tell me about your religion.
What is your general state of health at the present time?
And your state of mental health?

What is your favorite food?
What food can you not stand?
What is your favorite beverage?
What is your least favorite beverage?
What kind of music do you like the most?
What sort of books do you like to read?
What kind of clothing do you like to wear?
What kind of clothing do you hate wearing?
What is your favorite color?
What are your favorite pastimes?
What tasks do you prefer to avoid doing?
Who are your best friends?
Who are your worst enemies and why?
What is your greatest joy?
What is your deepest regret?
What is your greatest triumph?
What is the fear you most dread?
What makes you angry?
What makes you laugh?
Can you perform magic, or do you have psi talent?
What was your best subject in school?
What was your worst subject in school?
How athletic are you?
How smart are you?
Any secret vices?
Any not-so-secret vices?
Can you play a musical instrument?

If you could lie, cheat, or steal and get away with it, would you attempt to do so?
Have you ever physically assaulted another person or an animal?
Have you ever killed anyone?
If you have killed someone in the past, how did you feel about it?
Have you ever committed a crime?
Have you ever gotten away with committing a crime?
If you have ever committed a crime, did you feel guilty about it?
What is your sexual orientation?
Are you sexually promiscuous?
Do you enjoy extreme types of sexual activity?
Have you ever contemplated suicide?
1. Pretend you are a scientist on your world. How would you describe its ecology?
2. How many suns does your world have?
3. How many moons does your world have?
4. Do you have distinct seasons? What is the usual climate?
5. Are there any interesting geographical features where you live? If so, describe them.
6. What is the level of technology in your society? What are you familiar with?
7. If magic or psi abilities are present on your world, can everyone do it or only a few?
8. If only a few can perform magic or psi talents, how do the haves and have-nots regard each other?
9. How strong a political/cultural force is religion in your country?
10. Do you feel patriotic toward your country?
11. What are your spending habits?
12. Can you keep to a budget?
13. Do you gamble for fun?
14. Do you take recreational drugs?
15. Do you drink alcohol?
16. Do you drink alcohol to excess?

Character Lost

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 01:19:38 GMT

What the hell did I do with my character development questionnaire entry for Rakailanasteamurdolandosuravaleuifamiel?

(Yes, I did want to see if I could still spell the name.)

I hope I didn't delete that post...I wanted the CDQ template. Waaah!

SGC Taskforce - Arrival

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 03:30:48 GMT

Jessica Rathleigh pulled away from the security gate at Cheyenne Mountain and headed for the parking lot that the security officer had indicated. Her maroon Volkswagen was the only Beetle in the entire parking lot, as far as she could tell. But it was a good car. It had stayed with her all through her post-grad years, all through the five years at NASA, and it stood her in good stead now. Thank the gods for German engineering.

After searching down a couple of aisles, Jessica finally found a spot and parked. She slung her purse onto her shoulder, then locked the car and headed toward the main entrance of the complex at a brisk pace.

She wore blue jeans and a camisole top under a light suede jacket and wore her long, dark hair pinned up in a somewhat neat chignon. She reached the entrance to the complex and went in.

There were a lot of armed troops in cammies and BDU's, more than Jessica had expected. Security was very tight, she saw, as she and her purse were wanded in addition to passing through a metal detector and x-ray scanner.

She restrained herself from making a smart remark and asking if they'd missed anything; these guys didn't look as if they had anything resembling a sense of humor. Besides, it was only her first day on the job. Let them find out about her sense of humor later. What was the fun of revealing everything all at once?

Index of Chapters - Avriet (Revised)

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 04:01:25 GMT

I have increased the target total word count to 100,000 words, as the original rough draft of Avriet was not nearly finished when NaNoWriMo 2004 ended.

Chapter 1 - 2407 words (2407 total)

Breakout Novel Exercise Musings

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 02:04:39 GMT

Breakout Novel Exercise #1 is to pick your favorite hero, describe this person's heroic qualities, and imbue your protagonist with these qualities which you admire.

I chose Dwayne 'Dog' Chapman, because I really, really admire him. Every episode I watch of Dog: The Bounty Hunter, I grow more and more deeply impressed with this man and his family.

Unfortunately, Dog is nothing like Micaul. *buries face in hands* He's nothing like Allistaire, either. Geeze. But when I think of 'hero,' Chapman's is the first name that immediately springs to mind. There are many people I admire, but Chapman is up at the top--I suppose because he is unusual, not someone I am familiair with or grew up with. I could have said I consider my mother a hero--and I do, very much--but I'm used to her. Her heroism has become normal for me, whereas Dog's is way out there.

Maybe I should come up with a hero who is more like Micaul. I'll see.

Quitting NaNoWriMo

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 03:06:34 GMT

Writing: I'm quitting NaNo. I'm going to just work on the book and do it right, instead of writing a half-assed rough draft done for speed. Why should I spend all of November writing a rough draft that I will have to take apart at the end of the month and drastically revise because I have to throw out crap that I put in only for word count?

So no more NaNo. I'm just going to work on the writing--properly.

Word Count Totals by Chapter

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 04:28:45 GMT

Chapter #	Chapter Total	Running Total
1	2402	2402
2	1314	3716
3	2330	6046
4	1145	7191
5	1371	8562
6	2638	11,200
7	1332	12,532
8	3895	16,427
9	3966	20,393

Why?

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 02:58:32 GMT

Why is it that, when I wasn't working and had plenty of time to write, I felt creatively dead inside, but now that I have a full-time job and a total 3-hour commute each day, leaving me very little time to write, I now seem to have ideas coming out my eyeballs?

It's maddening!

Musings on Revenge of the Sith

Sat, 21 May 2005 05:07:33 GMT

Told from the point of view of my former gaming character, ex-Death-Eater Paul Graves.

Spoilers Behind the Cut

I saw the cinema film Revenge of the Sith this evening. It is the third episode of the Star Wars saga, of which its immediate sequel was an absolutely splendid film that I went to see a couple of years after I graduated from Hogwarts.

In this movie, we see the evolution of Anakin Skywalker from Jedi Knight trainee to apprentice Sith Lord. I have some quibbles with the film in general, but the story itself satisfied me. It was quite believable to me and evident how then-Chancellor Palpatine played upon Anakin's hopes and fears to manipulate him into making the choices which eventually transformed him into a Sith Lord. Watching the film, I was struck by the way the Dark Side of the Force itself seemed to change him, almost independent of any decisions Anakin might have made, uncannily similar to the workings of Tolkien's One Ring. Certainly, he made plenty of bad choices on his own merit, but toward the end of the film he seemed astonishlngly changed, almost maddened with thoughts based upon quite faulty logic.

I wondered if I would have a 'There but for the grace of God go I' moment. I was...surprised when I did not have one. I never once thought, Had I made a slightly different decision, that would be me. After leaving the cinema, I asked myself why that was.

A great tenet of the films has always been that we must conquer our fears lest they conquer us and we be ruled by them. The film made me question how I have handled certain things in the past. I always used to think that I would rather be angry than frightened, because if I could summon forth anger, I could at least act, rather than be paralysed by fear. But, if one follows the logic of these films, that is precisely the path that leads one to the Dark Side.

Yet, despite the fact that I have done terrible things in my life, I do not think I ever embraced the Dark Side. I never had any illusions as to the morality of what I did. It was always very clear to me that I was doing unconscionable things. I took no joy in them, felt no triumph. If I felt rage at or fear of anyone, it was toward myself at those times. I did not think I was committing crimes for anyone's greater glory, much less my own.

I marveled during the previous two episodes of this saga that the Jedi masters held so much doubt about Anakin because of his fears. After all, I thought, I have certainly been very afraid in my life, terrified, in fact--so terrified that I frightened away my own wife and choked off any demonstrations of affection toward my son or anyone for almost four years.

Yet Anakin and I do differ in our fear. His, as shown in this film, was irrational fear; mine was not. Anakin had premonitions and feared what might be. I observed others' actions and feared what those others would do to my family, based upon what I had observed them do to their victims. I also feared becoming insane from the conflict in myself between what I knew to be right and the evil I was doing. Anakin experienced some of that conflict as well, but the desire to ease his own fear quickly overcame his natural moral reservations.

Did I become the equivalent of a Sith Lord? That is a hard question for me to answer. If I did, in truth, then perhaps I shy away from acknowledging it. Do the minor differences between Anakin and me matter, when compared to the sum of our actions--or are those minor differences paramount? Might one not argue that evil is worse when it is done by someone with a rational, morally aware mind? Is not a sane man who commits a crime more at fault than a madman who does so? Yet, is it not also better to be able to control the evil that one does, as I was usually able to control it, rather than to unleash it without the restraint of conscience?

This question is why I still consider myself a Death-Eater. Choosing to abandon the darkness in oneself does not eradicate it. It does not restore the dead or the irreparably harmed living. Devotee of the Light though I am now, I bear those marks upon my soul, and I always will. Using the prefix 'ex' shows only present and future intent. The imprint of what I did lingers, however grateful I am that I no longer engage in such acts now.

But back to the film...

The younger Obi-wan Kenobi does not come off well. At the beginning of the film, he appears almost as comic relief, and he does not take much of a leadership role. Apparently, it is something he learns better between this film and its sequel.

I have deep disagreements with Jedi teaching methods. It does no good to tell a student, "There is much fea in you," when the teacher is never seen instructing the student in how to overcome such fear. It is useless to inform a student that he is not trusted or that he has failed without demonstrating to the student in a clear way how and why he has failed and how he can improve. Again--they remarked upon the amount of fear in Anakin, but he could only take them at their word. They never demonstrated to him why irrational fear was harmful or prove to him that his fear was irrational; they merely expected him to believe their assessment that it was. His only guidance in determining the truth of this was by making disastrous errors in judgment--by which time he no longer considered them errors but wisdom.

Regarding fear, let me be clear on this point--I believe that what the Jedi masters deemed dangerous was Anakin's proclivity toward irrational fear and toward his fear of loss. Loss is inevitable; to fear it is to fear living. I do not believe that reasonable fear is objectionable to the Jedi, though I am sure they encourage their students to face it and control it.

Obi-wan handled the end of the combat on the volcanic planet dreadfully. I am unable to say whether he suffered a faltering of courage or a flaring of cruelty and anger. In any case, the conclusion to his combat with Anakin was not his best day as a Jedi or as a human being, for that matter. I hope, under the same circumstance, that I would have given even Voldemort at least that mercy. On the other hand, Voldemort has done far worse in his lifetime than murder a dormitory full of children, so it is doubtful how charitable I would be.

The one last thing upon which I wish to comment is the fact that, for some 18 to 20 years after the events of this film, Anakin/Vader remains Palpatine's loyal apprentice. This intrigued me, considering Anakin's remarks to Padme about ruling an empire together. If, in the end, Padme lost the will to live, it seems to me that Vader, in learning that his anger likely contributed to his wife's death, also lost the will to claim absolute power. One can conjecture as to whether this was simply a lie of Palpatine's, but I suspect there is some truth to it. Whether he planned it or not, Palpatine's bit of likely truth ensured that Vader would not challenge him for two decades. In the midst of all the evil Vader would do, there was shame and grief at his core.

Or am I projecting too much of myself onto my perceptions of him?

A final interesting notion. The name 'Vader' is strikingly similar to the German word 'vater' or 'father.' I wonder if Palpatine chose the name for that reason?

I think I have said all I have to say, regarding Revenge of the Sith. On the whole, I considered it a very well done piece of cinematic art, and I am saddened that there are likely to be no others in the saga.

A Poetry Club

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 19:34:29 GMT

I just joined a_poetry_club. This appears to be exactly what I was looking for but didn't have time to run, myself.

Somehow, these people have avoided the crappy poets I've seen all too many of in other poetry communities; most of what I saw in this group was either reasonably good or quite good, and it wasn't Netspeak, nor did it sound juvenile. I think this will be a good place.

I noticed that the_bards has been deleted. I'm not terribly surprised; I think the last post in it was one that I wrote--though I haven't looked in a while.

Now, maybe I can get to doing some good poetic work.

For the DMs' Eyes Only

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 20:42:36 GMT

Character's Secret (For DMs' eyes only):

This character's true name is Drew (Andrew) Graves.

Drew is not really a priest. While fleeing from the wages of sin (after having robbed a military supply depot), he decided the south was too hot for him, so he travelled northwest. Somewhere in Colorado, he was camping out and heard a fight happening close by. He discovered four thugs murdering a priest for his car. He couldn't get there in time to save the man, and 4:1 odds against these particular thugs looked nonsurvivable, anyway. However, the thugs tossed out of the car everything they didn't want before they roared off.

The priest was only barely alive by the time Drew got to him and began administering primitive first aid. He tried to get the priest to rest, but the fellow insisted on telling Drew where he was going and who he was and muttering something about the will of God and "I understand now." before he bled out and died.

Drew buried the priest and considered going after the thugs. But, since they were in a car, and he was on foot, he abandoned that idea. Instead, he decided to take on the priest's identity as a cover. Drew had been raised Catholic, so he figured this wouldn't be too difficult--that is, until he discovered that the priest had been a follower of the newer form of Catholicism, the one that was into magic. Drew almost gave up the idea, right there. But he looked at his meager belongings, and he looked at the priest's belongings, and he realized something.

The priest was going toward a life, while he himself was running away from one. Drew decided that 30 was a pitiful age to still be r8unning away from life, constantly in hiding from the law, and he didn't want that life, anymore. He would take his chance with the magic-using Catholics. Maybe, if they found him out, they would at least hear him out before they turned him over to the authorities.

Besides, he just wanted to see if he could pull it off.

True Timeline
02.17.9041: Born at Fort Hood, Texas, to Lt. Jeremy Graves and Lt. Suzanne Graves, RN, at the Air Force base there.
09.01.2047: Begins first grade.
09.18.2052: The Ruining happens; his father is killed in action.
xx.04.2054: His mother dies. Though more orderly than the surrounding area, the base is still mostly in chaos, and Drew decides he doesn't like the ultra-authoritarian types who are taking over the place. After his mother is buried, Drew runs off. He begins stealing to survive.
xx.06.2054: Falls in with a gang of local boys, mostly orphaned. They continue stealing and other criminal activities.
xx.xx.2056: By now, the gang has chosen a name for itself--the Bowie Knives, since their leader owns one. They leave the Ft. Hood/Killeen area for Dallas, as the military types at the base are being vigorous about imposing order. The Knives head for Dallas.
xx.xx.2057: Dallas is in total chaos, with several criminal gangs and citizens' groups fighting against each other to control different parts of the city. The Knives observe and select the weakest of these. With rather startling efficiency, they overthrow that gang and move in. Within a year, they establish themselves as the center of power in their part of Dallas.
xx.xx.2058: A period of relative peace begins.
xx.xx.2060: Being competent and one of the few earliest gang members who is still alive, Drew moves up in the gang hierarchy, becoming the gang leader's second.
xx.01.2063: A virulent form of flu hits Dallas, destroying the tenuous veneer of order that had grown in the city. Drew becomes leader of the Bowie Knives when the previous leader dies, but by the time the flu has burnt itself out, there is not much left in Dallas to hold sway over. Drew concludes that Dallas is too dangerous to live in. Because of the epidemic, people are far more violent and paranoid than they were, before, fearing that this might be a return of the influenza-W. The Knives head for Tulsa, where the grandparents of one of them had a farm.
xx.05.2063: Squatters have taken over the farm, the Knives discover. They fight for the place, rather bloodily. In the end, they gain control of the farm, but with several casualties. They start working the farm.
xx.06.2063: Within a month, dissension foments, as some of the Knives decide that they don't want to be farmers; they would rather return to Dallas and take their chances. Drew tells them they're idiots, that, having abandoned the place, they'll have to fight hard to get it back. The dissenters don't want to listen, and the Knives split into two groups.
xx.xx.2068: The remaining Bowie Knives work the farm with relative success for several years, until a drought and tornadoes strike, destroying the farmhouse. They rebuild.
xx.xx.2070: The drought continues. It proves disheartening to even the most loyal of the Knives, so Drew calls a meeting. Either they can disband and break up into smaller groups who can blend in with townspeople and perhaps survive more easily among them, or they can stick together, maintain group strength, and return to crime, using the farm as a base. The group decides to return to crime, because it's a lot more exciting than scrabbling around in the dirt day after day. And if they're going to die anyway, they'd rather go out in a blaze of glory, and so forth. They decide to raid a nearby Army supply depot for ammunition and food.
04.12.2070: The supply depot turns out to have better security than the gang's research had suggested. Drew gives the order for everyone to escape the best way they can and to scatter; if they return to the farm, they can be too easily rounded up. He decides to get ut of the Southern Commonwealth entirely and heads northwest, into Colorado.
01.23.2071: Drew encounters a dying priest, Father William Ratheleigh, and assumes the priest's identity.

Nanowrimo Notes and Daily Word Count

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 22:37:33 GMT

Character List

>tr> <td> November 18 </td> <td> 2227 </td> <td> 35,521 </td> <td> 30,600 </td> </tr>

Date	Daily Words	Total Words	Target Total
November 1	1860	1860	1700
November 2	1862	3722	3400
November 3	1755	5477	5100
November 4	1972	7449	6800
November 5	1788	9237	8500
November 6	1957	11,194	10,200
November 7	1888	13,082	11,900
November 8	1917	14,999	13,600
November 9	2013	17,012	15,300
November 10	2040	19,052	17,000
November 11	2098	21,150	18,700
November 12	1902	23,052	20,400
November 13	1985	25,037	22,100
November 14	2030	27,067	23,800
November 15	2052	29,119	25,500
November 16	2068	31,187	27,200
November 17	2107	33,294	28,900
November 19	2027	37,548	32,300
November 20	2020	39,568	34,000
November 21	2103	41,671	35,700
November 22	2136	43,807	37,400
November 23	2218	46,025	39,100
November 24	2100	48,125	40,800
November 26			42,500

"Tea!"

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 23:34:59 GMT

My submission for this year's Wergle Floop Poetry Contest. I don't expect to win, but it's such a wonderfully silly idea, I had to at least enter. :)

*shakes head* Anyone who has actually seen my poetry at The International Library of Poetry will probably wonder if I've taken leave of my senses. *cackles of evil laughter*

Tea! Wonderful tea!
Drink of our ancestors.
Tea! Wonderful tea!
I daresay nothing is better.

Squeeze the lemon, lump the sugar,
Serve the milk in glass or pewter.
Drink it iced, or drink it hot, or
Drink it your way.

We've gone from Framingham to Quincy,
But we cannot find green tea.
"Have you heard that there's a war on?"
Local tradesmen all agree,
Well, we will not cook your supper
Until you bring us tea!

The Duchess of Morcar's blue carbuncle
Is not as precious as a pot of steaming
Tea! Glorious tea!

What Are You Good At?

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 00:12:27 GMT

minnehaha poses a good question in pegkerr's journal. I'm going to answer for myself and then ask all of you. What do you all think you're good at, in writing?

Me, I think my strongest skill is in making my characters seem like real people. To me, that's one of the highest compliments I can be given about my writing--though it also helps if the story is paced well, and the plot is good and believable!

I think I write dialogue well, and I like my writing best when my characters have to think about things during the story, when they have to ask themselves important questions. David Gerrold once said that the best stories are those in which the character has to make a decision, rather than merely fight something. I agree with that. I've had at least one character darn-near want to commit suicide because of a bad decision he made. That's the kind of drama I like to have in a story, though not a constant diet of it.

The writer at whose feet I worship is Lois McMaster Bujold, because that woman can plot her way out of a tesseract. She is brilliant. For truly gut-wrenching drama, I like Susan R. Matthews, but you have to have the stomach to read her work. I personally have not gotten past chapter 6 of An Exchange of Hostages. I am dreading the later chapters. C. S. Friedman is also good. From page 1 of In Conquest Born, I knew why her two protagonists would want to kill each other throughout the book. She is also a brilliant writer.

Someday, I hope my writing will be as good as theirs.

Avriet Timeline

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 19:33:21 GMT

Reigns

Timeline

1400: Alix Riennes is born in Sevrennes.
1428: Landfall and the settlement of Avriet by refugees from the kingdom of Sevrennes after the Drachaine War.
1430: Birth of Lisette Riennes.
1435: Reign of Alix I (Riennes) and Maurel Teuve-Riennes begins.
1450: Princesse Lisette passes Confirmation and is formally named Heir.
1455: A daughter, Margot, is born to Lisette and her husband Basil.
1471: Reign of Lisette I (Riennes) and Basil Maigret-Riennes begins.
1475: Princesse Margot passes Confirmation.
1476: A son, Ruven, is born to Margot and her husband Nerrin.
1494: Reign of Margot I (Riennes) and Nerrin Eclisse begins.
1496: Prince Ruven passes Confirmation.
1498: Birth of a daughter, Marise, to Ruven and his wife Jehanne.
1518: Marise passes confirmation.
1529: Reign of Ruven I (Riennes-Meliot) and Jehanne Meliot begins.
1536:1543: Reign of Marise I (Meliot) and Jules Therin-Meliot begins.
1556: Princesse Alix passes Confirmation.
1566: Reign of Queen Alix II (Meliot) and Yves Riennes-Meliot begins.
1579: The First Blood Plague. It kills 60% of Avriet's population, including Queen Alix II, and almost 95% of the people living in Duche Eurchel before it burns itself out. At this time the Sangreterre (Bloodland) gets its name, and the border between it and Avriet is closed. Beginning with this disaster, anyone seen attempting to approach Eurchel from the east is shot full of arrows and the body burned. Alix dies with no issue.
1579-1582: Interregnum. The kingdom is thrown into a state of anarchy by the severity of the plague.
1582: Reign of Leon I (Valondine) begins. He is unmarried and fifty years old at the start of his reign and takes power primarily because he is the only surviving Duc and the only person near court with enough power to form an army to restore order to the kingdom.
1603: Lady Claude Riennes is named Leon's Heir.
1607: Reign of Claude I (Riennes) and Marcel Therin begins.
1608: Prince Bertrand is named Heir.
1633: Reign of Bertrand I (Riennes) and Annoise begins.
1661: Reign of Jenet I (Lenoir) and Jules Valondine-Lenoir begins. Their daughter Brielle is named Heir in 1657.
1685: Reign of Brielle I (Lenoir) and Evian Maigret-Lenoir begins. Their son, Prince Armand, is named Heir in 1676.
1709: Reign of Armand I (Lenoir-Marveau) and Daphne Marveau begins. Princesse Jenet is named Heir in 1707.
1731: The Second Blood Plague. This outbreak is far less virulent than the first--or perhaps quarantine is much more ruthlessly enforced. It, like the first one, is brought to Avriet by people fleeing the Sangreterre who got past Eurchel's defenses.
0331:
</td>
<td>
Reign of Jenet II (Marveau) and Micois Teuve begins.
</td>
</tr>
</table>

Reigns

1435-1471: Alix I (Riennes) - 1400-1471 (71)
1471-1494: Lisette I (Riennes) - 1430-1494 (64)
1494-1529: Margot I (Riennes) 1455-1529 (74)
1529-1543: Ruven I (Riennes-Meliot) 1476-1543 (67)
1543-1566: Marise I (Meliot) 1498-1566 (68)
1566-1579: Alix II (Meliot) 1536-1579 (43)
1579-1582: Interregnum
1582-1607: Leon I (Valondine) 1532-1607
1607-1633: Claude I (Riennes) 1563-1633
1633-1661: Bertrand I (Riennes-Lenoir) 1588-1661
1661-1685: Jenet I (Lenoir) 1607-1685
1685-1709: Brielle I (Lenoir) 1634-1709
1709-1735: Armand I (Lenoir-Marveau) 1657-1735
0331-0349: Reign of Jenet II (Marveau) 0283-0349

Treasure Trove

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 22:27:24 GMT

I found a treasure tfove, today--all of my old notes for Darkside, The Black Council, The Curse of Avriet, and Lightborn. I could dance a jig!

It distresses me, though, that so much of the stuff is worldbuilding, with very few notes on the actual stories. Still, I'll work with what I've got. I've been doing a considerable lot of thinking about Lightborn today, and I want to do more with it.

Workbook- Writing the Breakout Novel

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 02:20:15 GMT

Creating Heroic Characters
Creating Multidimensional Characters
Inner Conflict