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Teacher, Laranzu, Priest, Businessman

This is a rambling, introspective post about my sphogwarts character Paul Graves/Gareth Adams. Feel free to ignore, if you have no interest in Harry Potter role-playing or this character. (g) I'm going to discuss things which only people familiar with the character will know, and I won't explain things for the uninitiated, in this post.

I took a color quiz for Paul/Gareth, today. I figured he would test as having a type A personality--very business-oriented, always on the go, always very busy, etc.

Instead, he turned out to be philosophical, unconditionally loving, and intuitive.

It was weird, how many of the things he had done in his life were not really the things he valued or wanted in life--and I don't think he really saw that, until now.

Yet it's like there are four aspects to him--I call them the teacher, laranzu (for lack of a better term), priest, and businessman aspects, because there are things about each of those aspects that Paul hoestly does love.

Teacher: I think he has been completely stunned at how much he enjoys teaching. There are aspects of teaching which satisfy Paul and make him more joyful in certain ways than he has ever felt. It fills hollow spaces in him that he never even knew he had. He has found patience with his students that I never thought he had in him. I was afraid Paul would be a very impatient, almost savage teacher--but he wasn't. That surprised me. He's hard on his students, yes, but not nearly as intense with them as I expected.

Laranzu: Laranzu is a term from the Darkover books by Marion Zimmer Bradley. It means someone gifted with the ability to use laran or ESP. Paul is a pretty cracking good wizard and legilimens. I made him good at legilimency because he is mostly crap at using crucio and thinks Avada Kedavra is dishonourable, so rarely used it in the DE, except when ordered to. I wanted to give him some limits, because I was afraid that he could too easily become a supersona. But since I needed for him to be in the DE, he had to be useful to them in some way, so he became a talented legilimens and a specialist in the Imperius Curse.

I discovered while writing him that Paul loves legilimency. It was very scary, discovering this. He thinks legilimency is the most intensely satisfying mental challenge in the world. It's difficult to learn, difficult to master, and requires a lot of concentration, artistry, subtlety, quick thinking, and patience to do well. He has never encountered any skill more intellectually difficult than legilimency, and performing it has in some ways been one of his greatest joys.

That is just creepy, considering what he did with it in the DE.

Priest: Priesthood is something that Paul is only beginning to learn, and I know it will take him years to progress anywhere in it--and he knows this, too. Being a priest is going to require a significant change in his thinking patterns. Right now, he still thinks too much like a hunter, and escape rather than fighting is still an alien concept to him. He doesn't even really like living under witness protection; he only does it because it is necessary and because Lilith would have his head if he didn't. (g) He would much rather have walked right up to Voldemort and a mob of Death-Eaters, told Voldie exactly what he thought of him and the DE, and fought the guy until he was crucio'd or avada'd to death. He would have done it, too, but I wanted to continue writing him, so I didn't allow it to happen. Paul is pissed off with me, for that.

He really, really hates Voldemort---and one could argue, himself. This is going to cause him problems in the priesthood area, I think. He's going to have to overcome the self-hatred before he can truly progress as a priest.

Businessman: I get the sense that Paul both enjoyed and disliked being a businessman. He enjoyed it when there were problems he was needed to solve, but when it ran smoothly, he was bored with it and found the day to day work tedious in the extreme. For this reason, he tended to start long-term, big projects, such as expanding into the Muggle market. He had vision, but I think it was mainly to keep himself from being bored stiff.

Multiple Personalities: In the game, we had a plotline for a while that featured people plitting into two different aspects of themselves, rather like Captain Kirk did in the Star Trek episode, "The Enemy Within." I have since wondered what personalities Paul would split into.

Would it be the Good and Evil sides of him? Would it be the Paul and Gareth sides? Would he split into these four aspects I've described above?

I've noticed that his DE-ness has diminished a lot since he assumed the shell personality of Gareth. In a way, this bothers me. Writing him as a reluctant DE was fun, because he could have a good heart, but do the occasional ruthless thing--and then I could have him angst about it for a while. *snicker* But I do miss the ruthless streak. I like having a character who scares me sometimes, because it's exciting. When he's like that, I don't know what lengths he'll go to, and I'm eager to find out. There's been only one time when he was ruthless that I hated it--and so did he.

He's not very ruthless as Gareth, and I miss it so much. There really were times when I wondered if I should have simply let him die in a blaze of dark glory.

Yet he tells me now: "But then, I would never have gotten to teach. I would regret losing the chance to do this."

There are so many aspects of this man's personality. It is wondeful, but also frustrating, when it comes to writing him and deciding what I want to do with him.